16 Ways to Spice things up in the Bedroom

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The undeniable truth about marriage is that sometimes sex dries up, and there comes a time to spice up the bedroom.

When this happens, we can experience intense feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame, and uncertainty. Luckily, there are many things that any man or woman can do to spice up the bedroom and reignite the fire.

If you are wondering where the passion in your marriage went, read on. I will share with you 16 fun ideas to spice up the bedroom and bring the excitement back to your relationship.

Things A Woman Can Do To Spice Up The Bedroom

1. Pre-sex Shakti yoga flow

Shakti in Sanskrit means power, energy, or force. It’s the divine feminine energy of the universe— although this magnificent force does transcend gender. Activating the Shakti energy within will help you to feel confident, sexy, and present, which is the perfect way to spice up your sex life.

2. Lingam massage

spice up the bedroom


A lingam (penis) massage will help to activate your man’s sexual energy. It also helps with semen retention to make the fun last longer. Lingam is a Sanskrit term that implies that the penis is sacred— so this is no basic handjob.

Spice up your sex life by being sexually adventurous, and no doubt he’ll be a big fan of this erotic massage. By mixing things up, especially as the woman in the relationship, your partner will find this sexy dominance difficult to forget!

Watch this video to learn how to perform a lingam massage.

3. Take control


spice up the bedroom


Is there a new position or something on your sex bucket list you have always wanted to try? Or you’ve never had sex in the shower but want to give it a go?

Society conditions men to take the lead in the bedroom, so you can make things exciting by putting yourself in the driver’s seat for a night. Be naughty and bold— order him around to focus on your own pleasure.

This is a fantastic way to spice up your sex life in long-term relationships.

4. Bring in the sex toys


spice up the bedroom


Having a sex toy or two in the mix can bring so much fun and sexual satisfaction to the experience. Sex positions that didn’t elicit much sensation in your body can suddenly become mutually pleasurable with a vibrator or bullet. Of course, ensure that the sex toys are premium quality and body safe.

Your new sex toy can also become a fun game. Get your partner to tease you with it and let yourself surrender to pleasure.

5. Masturbate in front of him


spice up the bedroom


Not only do men find women masturbating incredibly arousing, but it’s also a fantastic way to spice up your sex life by building sexual tension. First, tell him that he can’t touch you until you make yourself cum. Then, lock eyes with your partner as you pleasure your center. Your long-term relationship will feel fresh out of the box.

What Can A Man Do To Spice Up The Bedroom?

6. Pre-sex Shiva yoga flow

Shiva is the divine masculine energy of the universe and can bring a man great inner strength and spaciousness. Practicing these tantra yoga poses for men will bring out your inner qualities of power, generosity, compassion, and complete presence.

A fun sex life starts with both partners living their lives to the fullest. So, if both people constantly evolve for the better, you’ll perceive the same partner as hot, intriguing, and exciting.

7. Yoni massage


spice up the bedroom


A yoni (pussy) massage is all about giving. The magic of the yoni massage is that it doesn’t involve anything from the woman. When a woman knows that absolutely nothing is expected of her, she can totally release into her pleasure. You will see and experience your woman in a way you never have.

This intimate massage is a powerful way to connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Here’s a video guide to gift her a yoni massage.

8. Talk dirty


spice up the bedroom


If you want to ignite incredible tension with your lover, it’s time to invite dirty talk into your love life.

Sexual communication keeps things exciting and awakens her sexual fantasies. Your words have the power to make her want to pin you down to the bed and crave your touch. However, dirty talk is a skill, so we’ve created a guide on how to talk dirty to your girlfriend.

9. Set the mood


spice up the bedroom


The benefits of setting the mood as the man are countless. Men often let the woman set up the space. That’s why it’s so sexy for you to take the time to honor your union by creating a sacred love nest.

Some things to consider include:

  • Scented candles or diffuser
  • A hot and heavy sex playlist
  • Clean, crisp bedding
  • Foods such as cream or honey to lick off each other

A healthy sex life involves both people taking time to invest in ways to spice things up. Even though it takes relatively little effort, mood setting is an act of prioritizing your sex life. You can follow this with sex positions designed for her pleasure.

10. Take it slooooow


spice up the bedroom


Sometimes getting out of a rut just needs changing the tempo. And slowing things down electrifies each kiss and magnifies every caress.

Spice up your sex life by taking time to peel off each other’s clothes piece by piece and let your partner feel how attractive you find them in this moment.

It might sound boring to say, “just slow things down.” But when the man finds deeper penetration through slow, rhythmic thrusts, you’ll experience just how hot it is to dip into a more leisurely pace.

On a connection level, this pace allows for more creativity and authenticity. There are no fancy techniques or shows of athleticism. Just two bodies intimately intertwined, slowly building tension to new levels. Add in these sex positions to drive a woman crazy, and just see how hot the night becomes.

How Do I Bring Excitement Back To The Bedroom?

11. Play with temperature


spice up the bedroom


Temperature play is such an erotic way to keep things interesting. It works by provoking arousal using the skin’s neuroreceptors.

As Paisley Gilmour writes: “Stimulation through heat or cold gives the body a rush of sensations that, during foreplay, is translated into arousal. Temperature play is especially fun for the receiver when hot and cold are combined together in unpredictable patterns.”

Cold: Think ice cubes, strawberries, ice cream, whipped cream

Hot: Sex candles, melted chocolate, edible oil, warmed honey

Also, you can use stainless steel sex toys for hot or cold use. Rest them in cool or warm water for a minute. It’s important to check in with your partner during temperature play consistently. You want to spice things up and not head to the hospital with burns!

12. Blindfolds

spice up the bedroom


Shutting down such a powerful sense during sex creates a whole new level of mystery in your sex life.

When one partner is blindfolded, the other is free to explore their lover’s body. Playing with oral sex is a fun activity to partake in during this time. A sex position that once seemed predictable feels new and fun once more.

13. Eye gazing

Moving on from temporarily removing the sense of sight— now try out intensifying your gaze.

Eye gazing is an age-old practice in Tantra, and for a good reason.

I am sure you have seen your spouse before, but have you seen into them – into their core?

After all, the eyes are the gateway to the soul.


spice up the bedroom


Eye-gazing is wonderfully simple but very powerful.

Few words can describe the beauty of this practice. Afterward, you will feel much closer to your spouse. Try eye gaze for ten minutes or even less, and see how this practice opens the door for intimate, loving, and passionate sexual experiences.

Better sex starts with a deep, moving connection. You have to feel close, connected, and safe with your partner. That’s where eye gazing keeps things hot.

Explore eye gazing in a couples’ tantric meditation before sex, or you can play with deep, sensual gazes throughout the night. Be prepared for a deeply spiritual and sexual connection to your partner.

14. Honest and vulnerable communication

spice up the bedroom


Closely linked to number two is honest and vulnerable communication.

With the rise in popularity of speakers like Brene Brown, vulnerability is becoming a hot topic. It can also improve our sex lives.

Why? Vulnerability makes sex so much better. Such openness requires we take down all barriers and present ourselves with authenticity and integrity.

When communicating inside of a marriage, we need to drop the masks, pretenses, and projections.


spice up the bedroom


These create false ideas about who we are and who we should be. By being honest in your communication, you’re setting up a space for your partner to truly meet, love, and accept you.

In practical terms, the next time you feel triggered emotionally by something your partner did or said, discuss it with them instead of ignoring it. For example, discuss new positions you’d love to try or a sex position that turned you on.

Ignoring a problem will only build resentment and create distance.

Difficult conversations are usually worth having and almost always lead to more emotional closeness. This emotional closeness is a precursor to great sex but so often gets eroded by the daily monotony of marriage.

You could choose to have an honest and open conversation about the turn your sex life has taken. As long as you both conceive of it correctly and don’t become defensive, it can be an extraordinary chance to grow and move forward together.

15. BDSM and power play

Playing with surrender and control is often a very erotic, sexy surprise for couples. What’s more, it can also be highly therapeutic. In addition, this kind of interaction builds trust and mutual understanding due to the amount of communication required.


spice up the bedroom


If this is completely unchartered territory, you can start by experimenting by simply using rope or a pair of handcuffs.

Many women are hard-working and driven, operating from their masculine to thrive at work and climb the career ladder. They then carry this same masculine energy into their home and their relationship.

Of all the things a woman can do to spice up the bedroom, surrendering control in this way and fully trusting in the masculine is the most likely to drive her and her man crazy.

16. Tantric de-armorizing massage

Tantric de-armorizing massage is a holistic bodywork practice in which you’ll apply deep pressure to each other’s bodies. Breathwork and intense body awareness are also involved.

I’ve included this step in this guide to spice up the bedroom because it releases trapped memories and feelings. This liberation allows you to recreate the sex life that you both want. Clear away old patterns for both partners, and you can both feel present and free in your sex life.

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